"Tiara"
The enchanted pig/ handsome king is lucky to escape Bridezilla, Adelaide, who is not happy her wedding plans are going awry.
Tiara! Tiara! Do you call this a tiara?
I want a proper tiara! Not this thing!
I had more sparkle from beads on an old bit of string!
I want shine! I want bling!
And the veil? Where’s the veil?
The design was so fine
That four of the nuns who were making it
Found they’d gone blind.
Do I look like I mind
If some nuns have gone blind?
The whole bleeding convent can drop down dead
Just so long as that veil is on top of my head
By tonight! All right?
And the swan? Where’s it gone?
The sixteen-foot swan that I’m sitting on
As I’m pulled up the aisle by those dwarves.
God! Those dwarves! Send them back!
I said all along I want dwarves that are strong
And those dwarves can’t lift up my train.
Send them all back again
And get out and hustle some midgets with muscle.
And the doves! The doves
The doves that are being released
When I stand in front of the priest
And say “I do”. They won’t do!
Shoot them all! They’re too small.
Maybe it’s me but I like a dove you can see.
Is it really too much to ask?
Have I set some impossible task?
I just want some sparkle.
I want things to shine.
It’s my wedding. My wedding.
Mine!
It’s like some awful conspiracy.
Why don’t you get it? Why can’t you see?
It’s my wedding. So who’s it about?
It’s my wedding. I don’t want to shout.
It’s my wedding. So it’s all about me!
Now get out! And don’t come back until everything’s perfect.
The Enchanted Pig by Jonathan Dove is a modern operatic fairy tale. King Hildebrand’s three daughters are left at home when he goes off to war. They ignore his instruction not to enter a room in the castle where a book predicting their futures is kept. Flora’s two sisters will marry kings; her intended husband is a pig!
In true fairytale fashion, the pig is revealed as a handsome king, who has been put under a witch’s spell. The witch then steals him away so he can marry her daughter, Adelaide. After many adventures, Flora is able to find her beloved and free him from the evil enchantment, and they live happily ever after.